Words By Mae

It’s been a hard few days.

This weekend, I had to set a boundary between me and someone I love. This particular relationship has had too much tension and miscommunication, too much hurt and not enough healing. It was a hard decision to make, but I’m glad I made it.

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don’t usually wake up feeling grumpy or moody, but today was just one of those days, I suppose. And as someone with bipolar, I want to be extra aware when I’m grumpy and moody, because I certainly don’t want to wrongfully or mistakenly take my mood disorder out on others.

I’m hoping tomorrow feels fresh.

This conflict I’m facing with the person I love has taken a toll on my mental and emotional health. I’ve been distressed, discouraged, disheartened. I’ve been wrestling with how to love and support this person without feeling like they take advantage of my kindness and forgiveness.

And as much as I want to care for this person, I know my direct involvement in their life right now is not in my best interest — or theirs, for that matter.

This decision, like I said, was hard. And I’m hurting. And I imagine it will hurt for a good bit. But I also don’t think helping others should hurt us in the process. I can’t give my 100% to someone because that leaves 0% for myself. I can’t give a listening ear, an opened-arm hug, a gentle word to someone who manipulates, hurts, and refuses to listen to my needs. That’s just not how it works.

But tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow, I hope I wake up feeling mentally better — less grumpy and moody, and more like myself. Tomorrow, I hope I wake up with a little less hurt in my heart and a little more hope.