Words By Mae

2019 was a big year.

I left my very first adult job, started a new one that I subsequently quit six months later. I became a part-time nanny (again) and a part-time front desk worker at my climbing gym.

I began to take the dream of going to law school seriously, took the LSAT (twice) and submitted several applications. I moved into an apartment of my own, now I am free to dance around pant-less and it’s great.

I was in my very first romantic relationship, we made it eight months before we called it quits. I said “yes,” to dream-chasing, “no” to people who crossed boundaries, “yes” to fun things, “no” to selfishness as best as I could.

2020 may be even bigger.

This is the year I am going to (hopefully) get into law school and start classes in the fall. This is the year I am going to learn how to lead climb (a specific type of climbing) and become less afraid of heights.

This is the year I am going to try to be fearless as I dive into the unknown–unknown plans with law school, unknown future with where I’ll live, who my friends will be, who I will become.

I don’t really do resolutions.

I never have, and probably never will. My mindset is, “Why would I need a change in the calendar year to push me to be better, when I can become better at any moment in time?” New Year’s resolutions just don’t make much sense to me.

But I do have goals for this year: become physically stronger, eat healthier, take the Sabbath seriously. Be less afraid of getting hurt when I care for others, and more confident in loving people outside of my comfort zone.

I want to be kinder, braver, lovelier, softer. I want to make big moves and do big things and not look back, all while feeling secure in Jesus Man’s love for me. I want to care lots in little ways and become a safe house to those who feel lost and scared and empty and sad.

I’m really excited! I’m really nervous!

I’m excited about heading into a new year and a new decade. I’m excited about all of the potentially great things the unknown has to offer. I’m nervous about heading into an era of newness: new school, new friends, new place. I’m nervous about trying and falling flat on my face.

But even if I do end up falling flat on my face, I know that I’ll be okay. I’ve got the best family, friends, and support system around. I’ve got the best Father who loves me in ways I can hardly fathom.

I have a feeling it’ll be a great year: one of growth, renewal, refinement. I have a feeling it may be an even bigger decade: ideally attending and finishing law school, making it into my 30’s, and more.

So here I go, trusting God in the waiting and in the unknown. Let’s do this!!